It was just last week that I told a friend of mine that I was going to get a big haircut that coming Thursday. And she asked me what sort of style I would be getting, when I told her like Amira Ahmed and she looked at her pictures, she told me that it was brave of me. I hadn’t heard that before – probably because I hadn’t told many people that I was getting my hair cut so differently (it was collarbone length before) but hearing that I was being brave for the first time made me think a little bit more about it. I hadn’t really thought about it much before because to me, it wasn’t a big deal, it was just an action that I was finally going to take after deliberating over it for years like Hamlet.
So I realise it’s now been three days since I posted which is actually terrible seeing as my goal was to post everyday on this blog. But for the past few days, to be very honest, I have been feeling really exhausted and therefore demotivated to do anything. I had a big project (that I set for myself) that I began I was researching all about it every day because I loved the idea of it and I loved learning about it but for the past few days I haven’t done any research at all. Things just haven’t been going very well and it was what I learnt this Sunday morning that put perspective on things.
It’s 19th June and I’m still at home in the UK. I should have been in South Korea by now. Heck I should have been in Korea a long time ago if I look at the first time I failed in my plans to travel to Korea.
When people ask me if I’m going to South Korea or when I’m going or if I’m already there, I get that tired feeling of looking over my entire situation in the past year and a half of my life and having to explain the situation. It’s tiring. It reminds me of all the frustrations and tears and dramatic sighs and disappointment after disappointment that I’ve faced in the past few months. And then I tell these people something short and sweet that’s not exactly the truth but it’s a vague summary of what happened in the past few months so that they’d accept the news and not ask any more questions. Because that’s what I’ve done recently, finally after going back and forth between anger, shock, confusion, panic, and depression, I’ve finally found acceptance. I can tell you how I’ve done that but that’s a whole other blog post because it’s deep. Really deep.