It was just last week that I told a friend of mine that I was going to get a big haircut that coming Thursday. And she asked me what sort of style I would be getting, when I told her like Amira Ahmed and she looked at her pictures, she told me that it was brave of me. I hadn’t heard that before – probably because I hadn’t told many people that I was getting my hair cut so differently (it was collarbone length before) but hearing that I was being brave for the first time made me think a little bit more about it. I hadn’t really thought about it much before because to me, it wasn’t a big deal, it was just an action that I was finally going to take after deliberating over it for years like Hamlet.
It was then that I replied to my friend in that manner that it didn’t feel like that to me. I’d just been talking about it for 5 years. I remember talking about it to a friend in my first college back in 2010. There were two things I kept telling her I wanted to do: learn Korean and get my hair cut really short. It didn’t take me much time to begin learning Korean, I learnt the alphabet pretty quickly and easily around that time just from seeing it a lot in song titles and such (tbh) and I signed up for a class that began in September 2011. But when it came to cutting my hair… I just didn’t. Looking back, I don’t know why. Maybe it was because I thought of it as a bigger deal back then. I didn’t want to be seen with my long-ish hair by all my classmates and then the weekend would pass and I’d show up with Halle Berry hair. There was also the whole waiting to get to the point where I could go to the salon and get a relaxer and hair cut done all that day. And the downer of finding a good salon. I also went through a phase that lasted a good amount of months where I wanted really long hair and went on a “long hair journey”.
I finally took a lot of action, waited the longest I’ve ever waited to get a relaxer and went to a really great salon this week and finally got my new look and though it’s only been three days, I absolutely love it! It’s like this is what I’m supposed to look like. And it feels so good to have finally taken some action and done it!
It was when I was talking to my friend and she said that I was brave that I thought and realised, this really isn’t just a haircut. It’s a taking control of my life. This whole summer is about finally doing what I want to do because literally my whole life, I haven’t been able to do what I wanted to do. Things just wouldn’t work out and I would lose opportunities. All sorts of things have happened in these twenty years and I’m glad that some of the opportunities were taken away because my life would be so different now. I would probably be really miserable like I mentioned in my post about my failure in going to South Korea, I’m so glad I didn’t move to Sheffield two years ago. I’m so glad I didn’t get into that ballet school ten years ago. I’m glad I wasn’t successful in any of those apprenticeship endeavors as I wouldn’t have met the people that built me up and encouraged me to return to college and I wouldn’t have been able to go to uni so that I could get a degree and in turn get to work in South Korea!
And it was through my most recent failure in going to South Korea that I felt that I looked back at all my failures and felt that I had absolutely no control over my life. I felt that I was utterly defeated and that this final venture to do something I wanted to do (go to a school to learn Korean in South Korea) was lost. Any efforts I made to do anything I wanted to seemed like they were done in vain. But it wasn’t true. One night, this summer, I cried out years of built up defeat in sorrow and soon those tears became tears of joy that night because I remembered how blessed I am. I realised how strong and knowledgable I am because I have experienced all these things. I realised I have people supporting me and helping me to do what I want to do. Even though, I was lying in my bed not wanting to be where I was, I became happy that I was where I was and that I had the summer to do what I had wanted to do for so long. And I can’t take Jesus out of this epiphany, it really was all Him. It was the very next morning that I woke up with such new-found gratefulness, happiness and motivation that I had never experienced before. I was just looking forward to that day and following days. The summer I had been looking forward to spending in South Korea, I was now looking forward to spending at home in England. I knew what I wanted to do and I was going to get up and do it. It started with this blog. I had been holding off on doing this too.
- Start your blog you’ve been putting off. Check.
- Research into the career you’ve seen in the future. Check.
- Get that haircut. Check.
All of these things feel so good and like I finally have some control. And they have been so rewarding.
So, the question is? Is it really just a haircut? The answer is, it’s a haircut sure, but it’s a call to action. It’s the feel of control. It’s a taking hold of the reigns. And now I can move on and carry on happily with what I will do in the future. If you have something that you’ve been wanting to do, as Shia Labeouf would say, DO IT! Go get your haircut!